In Defense of Being a Negative Nancy

I don’t like a lot of things.

I don’t like deli sandwiches.
I don’t like small talk.
I don’t like salad dressing.
And I don’t like people.

I hate people as a matter of fact. They’re terrible, infuriating, often sh#@!y sacks of skin that meander through your day with the sole purpose of making you miserable and frustrated (of course, I don’t mean you, beloved reader. I bet you’re great).

I can see you now, however, thinking to yourself, “Frenchie, that sounds a little extreme, don’t you think? That’s no way to live.” But let me explain:

Hating things (particularly people) gets such a bad rap, but the truth is: it’s completely normal, if not evolutionarily necessary! Consider this example:

You’re a caveman/woman, living in Stone Age. There are, like, eight other cavemen/women for you to hang out with. Most of them are pretty cool, have sweet drawings decorating their caves, do a pretty good job at hunting – top shelf cavepeople. But amongst this tribe of cavepeople are two or three cavepeople who don’t bother hunt because they figure they’ll just grab some of your sabertooth tiger meat, and don’t bother learn any skills like hunting or gathering, things that would benefit them or their tribe, because they’re too busy picking leaves off of trees and eating them, trying to find the ones that make them feel like they’re flying. If caveman-you hung out with them, you’d probably be dead before the end of the Stone Age, most likely from being ripped to shreds by hyenas because the lot of you were too stupid to learn how to make weapons and protect your cave, which you even more stupidly left meat outside of, because you all were stupid.

Image

Mmm, idiots.

See? Survival of the fittest involves the company you keep too. The surviving cavemen/women made it to the next round of natural selection probably because they were like, “Oh my GOD, I hate Oolga so much. She never helps us gather berries and she’s always too busy staring at herself in the river. Eww, she’s coming over to talk to me, no thank you. Tell her I’m not here.” And they got to live to see the next Stone Age.

Now, I’m not saying you should go through life hating everyone you make eye contact with. You’ll miss out on a lot of awesome new friends and experiences that way. Everyone you meet has the potential to add something enriching to your life, has something to teach you, something to show you. And everyone you meet has the potential to be someone you don’t want to live without.

And I’m definitely not saying that you should hate someone for prejudicial, judgmental, or words-that-end-in-ist reasons (I mean this is a blog run by a girl who also wrote about not wearing underpants to bed, people. I’d pity the person trying to justify racism with this post…).

But those things being said…
some people, after you get to know them, you’ll find, are actually awful human beings that you want nothing to do with. And that’s okay too. Don’t let the Polly Positives and Libby Love-Everyones of the world make you feel bad about it. We’re not going to jazz with everyone we hang out with; we just aren’t. Can you imagine if we did? All of our birthday parties would be scores of people large. So, really, not only is hating people evolutionarily necessary…it’s also just more economical, but I digress.

Look, I’m not advocating putting poison in peoples’ drinks or spitting on them when they walk by — You can still not like someone one but be nice to them – then they can’t hate you back because you’re rad — you’re welcome *wink*. I’m just saying that maybe we should cut feelings of intense dislike a little slack. Everyone feels them. Why do we demonize the act of not liking things? It’s a feeling. We feel feelings and that’s one of them. (Although, pro tip…don’t let your hatred consume you. Nothing good comes out of that one…I’m pretty sure that’s almost murderer territory so let’s keep you out of jail). You (the person reading this) are an awesome person. And if something inside you says that so-and-so sucks then fine. Maybe you have a reason for it that just makes sense to you. That’s cool. And if you don’t have a reason, well maybe reconsider that one. Or at least keep an open mind. Maybe at some point so-and-so will suck a little less and you can be cool with them then. People change – whether it’s them or it’s you. Or maybe not and so-and-so is destined to be an ass their whole life. In that case, good riddance!

All I’m saying is, you don’t have to be friends with everyone; you don’t have to like everyone, and you certainly don’t have to feel bad about it. You are entitled to hating people or things and I promise you aren’t the spawn of Satan for doing so.

I know.
I hate plenty of people and my parents aren’t Satan at all.

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