Indecisions, indecisions

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When I was in middle school, I could never quite pick a screenname for my AIM account. There were too many options: “Should I make a screenname about my tomboyishness? Tomboygrrl18? Or a screenname about the music I like: greendaydarling92? Wait! People should probably know that it’s me their talking to, so, maybe something more obvious? Frenchiegurl98? There were so many aspects of myself I wanted to express and I just couldn’t pick which one. My solution, much to the confusion and undoubtful annoyance of my friends, was to make each account and have three screennames. Too bad life doesn’t work that way.

I feel like college is difficult for me because I have so many interests and care about so many different things. I want to be creative and think of funny slogans for commercials, but I also want to work with dogs, but I also want to help troubled kids, but I also want to plan parties for fancy businessmen, but I also want to…(see where I’m going here?) 

Everyone seems to have a focus. Sure they have interests outside that focus, but they’re attention is pinpointed on that one thing that they want to do. But me? I’m all over the place. And it puts me in a position where I’m constantly dissatisfied because what I want is constantly changing. The middle schooler in me just can’t seem to settle on a thing. 

Maybe that’s why I’m so ready to be done with college. I’m ready to open the doors and look around and window shop. Apply here, apply there, get this job, volunteer here. I’m ready to stop being bored and start finding the things that will satisfy my need to be all over the place and give myself to multiple places and causes that will make me happy. And maybe being all over the place won’t be so bad after all.

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